"My first time with a male masseuse: I'm laying on the table, finally ready to relax. Little did I know the sound of his hyperactive bowels would prevent any such thing. I couldn't decipher if the masseuse was starving or had to go number two — but for 45 minutes, all I heard was this man's stomach juices communicating with the outside world. I haven't had a male masseuse since." — Sheyda

"The masseuse began ... to rub my legs progressively harder, working her way further upwards with each stroke. And then it happened. Faster than the time it would take for me to yell 'sexual assault,' she slid her hand all the way up my leg and, um, poked me. Yes, she popped her greased-up fingernail into my vagina.

What do you do in a situation like that? My eyes widened in horror, and my mind instantly filled with a million thoughts. Did that really just happen? Could I have imagined it? No, it definitely happened. Was it deliberate? Maybe it was just an accident? What if she does it again? What do I do? Maybe I should say something. Or is it part of the massage? I don't want to offend her.

I clamped my eyes shut and desperately prayed for the whole ordeal to come to an end — fortunately, it did with no further incidents." — Lauren, via Never Ending Footsteps

"I was [getting] a massage by [a guy named] 'Sam,' when I realized that at times he was only using one hand to massage. Then I would hear what sounded like his flip phone closing. Yep, I was right, he was text messaging someone while giving me a massage!" — Gretchen via Successful Massage Therapist

"In Korea, I was most confused by the amount of time the woman spent massaging my face. In the 90 minutes I was there, she must've spent 45 of them on my face. ... Finally, with about 10 minutes to spare, she turned her attention to my extremities. Unfortunately, it was in the form of punching. I don't know about you, but I am not a fan of punching -- during a massage or otherwise." — Angela, via Untitled Adventure

"I had made an appointment for some post-5K reflexology, a treatment performed entirely on the feet using a pressure point technique ... 'I may do it a bit differently,' the masseuse warned. 'Some guests think I have a firm touch, but you'll get the most benefit that way.' (Cue ominous music).

Grasping one foot tightly, he pulled my big toe upward and pressed a thumb into the ball of my foot. 'Ow!' I blurted in surprise ... [Then,] with a solemn expression he pronounced, 'There's a lot of tension in your uterus.'

My uterus?

Normally I wouldn't dream of sharing this with a stranger, but it was no time for modesty: Through gritted teeth, I enlightened him that it was my time of the month, adding, 'Please move away from the uterus before I kick you in the face!'" — Kathleen via Great Hotels of the World