Nails
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Diet
7 Things I Learned From Eating Like a Dude for a WeekEver wonder if you could survive on nothing but meat and potatoes? |
PHOTO 6/9
During my penultimate day of my dude diet, I take a few cues from Andrew, an editor at our brother site CraveOnline.com and junk food savant. He points me to two unlikely food sources.
First up is 7-Eleven, where I attempt to mimic Andrew's typical breakfast: A maple bar, a bear claw and a cup of coffee. In a moment of non-dude-like fussiness, I grab what appear to be the two least manhandled pastries from 7- Eleven's picked-over, Plexiglas case. I leave with a pink frosted donut that would have made Homer Simpson salivate and a slightly squished chocolate éclair. The "cream" inside the éclair is disturbingly gelatinous and sticks to my throat so much, it almost activates my gag reflex. Breakfast is so sickeningly sweet that the bitterness of my burnt coffee is a welcome palate cleanser.
Lunch comes from Home Depot. Or, to be exact, a tiny hot dog stand nestled between the store and its parking lot -- a gem that had previously eluded me. The smell of sawdust mingles with that of grilled onions and meat. I order two jumbo dogs. They smell better than they look. To add insult to injury, the rest of my team enjoys fresh sushi bowls as I test the elasticity of my innards with more processed food.
Impressively, breakfast and lunch combined set me back less than $10, but the real cost is to my productivity. Between the morning's sugar spike and my post-lunch bloat, I find it impossible to concentrate. I almost feel like I'm nursing a hangover. Late in the day I choke down a piece of birthday cake out of politeness, and it puts me over the edge. I need a nap. Thirty minutes before quitting time, I beg off early.
Tonight's frozen fish filet dinner and fries do not go down easy. As I doze off into an uneasy, meat-sweat-disrupted sleep, I wonder if I can make it through my last day.
Time spent preparing food: 22 minutes
Calories consumed: 2,641
Current mental state: Does puke-y count as an emotion?
SEE NEXT PAGE: Day 7: The Last Supper
