When you think of bloating and alcohol it's usually the beer gut that comes to mind. Guess what? That puffiness isn't limited to your middle. Remember when we talked about how alcohol depletes your body of water and how the kidneys have to kick in to overdrive? That same effect comes in to play with the dreaded facial bloat. Because your body is being robbed of fluids and electrolytes, it stores all the water you ingest (in food or beverage), which causes tissues to swell and causes you to resemble Alvin the chipmunk.
Next: The telltale red eyes
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Alcohol affects your eyes
In much the same way that alcohol causes broken capillaries on your face, it irritates and enlarges the tiny blood vessels on the surface of your eye (the sclera) causing a "bloodshot" appearance. Not vain enough to be put off by a few red lines? How about blindness? Because excessive drinking robs the body of some nutrients required to maintain eye health, it can lead to a condition called alcoholic optic neuritis, which impairs eyesight and, over time, can result in blindness.
Next: Kiss your glossy hair goodbye
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Alcohol can wreck your hair
In the same way that drinking alcohol desiccates your skin, it dehydrates your hair. The problem, of course, is that dry hair is weak, brittle and more prone to split ends. Excessive alcohol use can also trigger a zinc deficiency in the body, which has been shown to cause hair loss.
As if these look-robbing effects weren't bad enough, many drinkers also smoke. And smoking has its own specialized way of stealing your beauty.
Next: How to offset some of the damage
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How to keep the "ugly" to a minimum
While chronic heavy drinkers have bigger problems than worrying about their dry skin or bloodshot eyes, those of us who drink only occasionally can learn a few tips to help stave off a killer hangover and telltale ugliness that a night of hard partying renders.
Tip 1: Drink water. You've heard it a million times before because it's so imperative. Keeping your body hydrated by drinking a glass of water between cocktails will work wonders for keeping both your headache/nausea and green, puffy face to a minimum the next day.
Tip 2: Eat. Drinking on an empty stomach not only gets you more drunk more quickly, it also makes you feel much worse the next day. Think of the food as a sponge, it absorbs the alcohol and slows down the absorption of it into your bloodstream. A meal of carbohydrates and some protein like, say, chicken Parmesan, is thought to be the perfect pre-drink repast. (A slice or two of pizza will work too.)
Tip 3: Choose your poison. All of us react differently to different types of alcohol. Some people are allergic to the tannins in red wine while others can stomach the sulfites in white. Know what works for (and against) you and stick to it. And, of course, unless you're at an underage kegger and experimenting for the first time, know better than to mix your libations. Jagermeister and Patron shots do not mix well. (Hint: The light colored liquors like vodka and gin) have fewer of the chemicals that contribute to hangovers.)
Tip 4: Wash your face. Even if you don't have the energy to do your full regimen, it's important to remove your makeup and slather on a heavy-duty moisturizer. As we've learned over the last few slides, your skin is going to be parched from the inside out so any assistance you can give it will be much appreciated.
Next: How to deal if you get "ugly" despite adhering to these precautions
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How to undo the "ugly"
Tip 1: Eat breakfast. If you've really overdone it, chowing down may be the last thing you feel capable of, but it's important to get some nutrients back into your body. Be sure to eschew the greasy breakfast burrito-type fare in favor of whole grain toast and fruit (bananas are an excellent source of potassium, which will help replenish depleted electrolyte levels). Hash browns with cheese can also help. They're carbs and protein and provide vitamin C and iron, which aid in the absorption of the remaining alcohol.
Tip 2: Avoid coffee. The stereotypical drunk guy gets cups of coffee poured down his gullet to sober him up so it must work, right? Nope. The caffeine in coffee is a diuretic and will only serve to further dry out your tissues. Ditto the proverbial "hair of the dog." Stay away from Starbuck's and the Bloody Mary and drink orange juice (the sugar and vitamin C will help), seltzer water or chicken broth (the sodium will help boost your electrolyte levels).
Tip 3: Fake a well-rested, un-queasy look. Deflate eye puff with chilled tea bags (the caffeine works like a champ) or try a product containing peptides or Arctic Root like Kiehl's Facial Fuel Eye De-Puffer, $19.
It's been a while now, but, think back to the fabulously glam women of "Sex and the City." OK, good. Now, what do you picture them doing? Images of the four friends sipping Cosmos at some trendy New York City eatery popped to mind since that's what all the beautiful, socially adept people do, right? They sip cocktails? Because, of course, no one in TV land ever suffers health (or beauty) consequences from such things.
That visual of attractive folk milling about, martini/wine/champagne glass in hand, has long been promulgated in all forms of media. F. Scott Fitzgerald painted images of the luxe, lush life in his novels (while suffering from alcoholism in his real life); the whole world knows James Bond's cinematic beverage of choice; and no self-respecting primetime drama is complete without a bar scene or two.
The takeaway, of course, is that drinking alcohol is glamorous. And, while it may be fine to raise a glass every now and again, drinking too much, as everyone knows, definitely takes a toll on your body and your looks.
As author Jason Vale says in his book "Slim for Life," drinking "batters your liver, kidneys, and pancreas; it dehydrates your body; destroys brain cells and can shrink your brain. It eats away your stomach lining, weakens eyesight and causes impotence, diabetes, and obesity." And that doesn't even begin to cover what it does to the outside.
Let's find out precisely what kind of havoc drinking too much can wreak on your looks (besides, of course, making you fat, that's a given) and discuss what you can do — besides becoming a strict teetotaler — to keep that damage to a minimum. And, to round things out, we'll walk through a few ways to make it look like you didn't over imbibe — even when you did. So, if you're game, let's put down that glass and get cracking...
