When we're stressed out and need a break, we book a massage. Great idea, right? That is until we're lying topless on a table, in a room alone with a complete stranger, and that complete stranger is seeing and touching us. Naked. Naturally, we start to wonder what this person is thinking and fill in the blanks on our own:
"Geez, someone needs to lay off the cheesecake...um, have you ever heard of waxing?...wow, looks like we've found the record-holder for cellulite!"
And now, what was intended to be a relaxing hour of reprieve has us more stressed out than we were to begin with. To keep ourselves from going crazy, we had to find out: Is this what massage therapists are really thinking?
Uh, yeah — kind of. We got several masseuses to reveal what's really going through their heads when they're rubbing their clients down — and as you'll see, it's not always so pretty.
But before you swear off the spa forever, know that it's not all bad. In fact, these massage therapists also clued us in to a few tips that'll have you more relaxed on the table — and even for days after your massage. Read on to see what they have to say.
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We think you're a prude if you wear undies
Have you avoided massages because you're not cool with a non-doctor type seeing you totally naked? We get that. Luckily, our source says you can keep your skivvies on. "A quality massage therapist will be able to perform an exceptional massage with or without the guest wearing underwear."
But, another massage therapist says there's really no need to cover up. "After working on literally hundreds of bodies, there is really nothing that is 'gross' or that surprises. A body is a body is a body."
The one exception: when you're on your period. If it's a heavy flow, you definitely don't want to be naked, for obvious reasons, but you may want to keep your underwear on during a light flow too. Our source also says you should tell your therapist it's that time of the month and offer to launder or replace her sheets if you stain them (another reason to keep yourself protected).
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We have dirty thoughts
Most massage therapists approach their profession in a medical sense. When they give a massage, they're thinking about the actions and what they need to do, not how hot (or not) you are. But of course, it's impossible not to notice the body they're working on. Most will keep those thoughts to themselves, but not all. So if things start feeling a little, uh, weird, you should definitely speak up, says one of our sources.
"Tell your therapist if you feel they are working too closely to your groin area. If they persist after you have told them, you should stop the massage and let management know about the situation. Also, if your therapist makes unsolicited comments about your body, handle the situation similarly."
In short, you're the customer, and a good masseuse will want you to be comfortable at all times. Even if they're thinking about baseball and Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day to make that happen ("Austin Powers" anyone?).
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We get scared if you start snoring
Dim lights, easy listening tunes, not to mention the stress melting away with each massage stroke, and it's no wonder people fall asleep on the table. But you might want to be careful the next time you feel yourself dozing, unless you'd love an embarrassing story to share in the locker room? One massage therapist shares two such tales:
"A [massage] technician has a regular client who comes in for weekly massages. One time, he fell asleep during the back massage. When she was almost done, she applied a warm towel on his back. He then grabbed her legs very hard and did not let go. She kept shaking her legs -- and he didn't let go. She called his name and he woke up and said 'Oh my god! I had a dream someone was attacking me!'
"[Another] technician was massaging a client and he fell asleep. All of sudden he yelled, 'Get away from the meatballs!' She said, 'excuse me?' At that point he woke up. [The technician] asked if everything was OK, figuring he was talking in his sleep. He said 'yeah,' and went back to sleep."
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We give you a crappy massage if you show up wasted
Maybe it's the dim lighting and the lack of clothes, but our sources say some people are convinced that a massage should be a drunken affair, especially if they're at a hotel or on vacation. "They come in after several cocktails and it's difficult to work with them. They become dead weight on the table."
Our source explains that alcohol can actually hinder your spa experience, for a few reasons. One, you're likely to fall asleep, so you're missing out on the experience entirely. Two, even if you stay awake, if you're drunk you won't be as present and aware of your body so you won't experience the stress release as much as you would sober. Three, alcohol can interfere with the endorphin release that happens during a massage, so the effects might not last as long.
Our advice: if you want to booze it up, do it after the massage.
Image via BraunS/Getty
When we're stressed out and need a break, we book a massage. Great idea, right? That is until we're lying topless on a table, in a room alone with a complete stranger, and that complete stranger is seeing and touching us. Naked. Naturally, we start to wonder what this person is thinking and fill in the blanks on our own:
"Geez, someone needs to lay off the cheesecake...um, have you ever heard of waxing?...wow, looks like we've found the record-holder for cellulite!"
And now, what was intended to be a relaxing hour of reprieve has us more stressed out than we were to begin with. To keep ourselves from going crazy, we had to find out: Is this what massage therapists are really thinking?
Uh, yeah — kind of. We got several masseuses to reveal what's really going through their heads when they're rubbing their clients down — and as you'll see, it's not always so pretty.
But before you swear off the spa forever, know that it's not all bad. In fact, these massage therapists also clued us in to a few tips that'll have you more relaxed on the table — and even for days after your massage. Read on to see what they have to say.
