Most massage therapists approach their profession in a medical sense. When they give a massage, they're thinking about the actions and what they need to do, not how hot (or not) you are. But of course, it's impossible not to notice the body they're working on. Most will keep those thoughts to themselves, but not all. So if things start feeling a little, uh, weird, you should definitely speak up, says one of our sources.
"Tell your therapist if you feel they are working too closely to your groin area. If they persist after you have told them, you should stop the massage and let management know about the situation. Also, if your therapist makes unsolicited comments about your body, handle the situation similarly."
In short, you're the customer, and a good masseuse will want you to be comfortable at all times. Even if they're thinking about baseball and Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day to make that happen ("Austin Powers" anyone?).
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We get scared if you start snoring
Dim lights, easy listening tunes, not to mention the stress melting away with each massage stroke, and it's no wonder people fall asleep on the table. But you might want to be careful the next time you feel yourself dozing, unless you'd love an embarrassing story to share in the locker room? One massage therapist shares two such tales:
"A [massage] technician has a regular client who comes in for weekly massages. One time, he fell asleep during the back massage. When she was almost done, she applied a warm towel on his back. He then grabbed her legs very hard and did not let go. She kept shaking her legs -- and he didn't let go. She called his name and he woke up and said 'Oh my god! I had a dream someone was attacking me!'
"[Another] technician was massaging a client and he fell asleep. All of sudden he yelled, 'Get away from the meatballs!' She said, 'excuse me?' At that point he woke up. [The technician] asked if everything was OK, figuring he was talking in his sleep. He said 'yeah,' and went back to sleep."
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We give you a crappy massage if you show up wasted
Maybe it's the dim lighting and the lack of clothes, but our sources say some people are convinced that a massage should be a drunken affair, especially if they're at a hotel or on vacation. "They come in after several cocktails and it's difficult to work with them. They become dead weight on the table."
Our source explains that alcohol can actually hinder your spa experience, for a few reasons. One, you're likely to fall asleep, so you're missing out on the experience entirely. Two, even if you stay awake, if you're drunk you won't be as present and aware of your body so you won't experience the stress release as much as you would sober. Three, alcohol can interfere with the endorphin release that happens during a massage, so the effects might not last as long.
Our advice: if you want to booze it up, do it after the massage.
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We want to throw your phone in a vat of massage oil
Electronic beeps and rapid-fire thumb typing don't exactly fall under the category of soothing, but despite this, "some people will answer their phone or start texting in the middle of a massage — and it happens more than you think," says our source.
This should be a no-brainer: don't multi-task during a massage. That means no calls, no email, no texting. Just relax — enjoy your time on the table. Our source stresses that this is often the only time you'll have to completely unplug and remove yourself from everyday life. Instead of fighting it, embrace it. Life as you know it won't turn to complete chaos after 50 minutes away from your iPhone.
Our source offers a few more tips to get the most out of your massage:
• To maximize the benefits of the massage, drink plenty of water before and after your appointment.
• Plan to get to the spa early so you have time to take a hot shower and relax before the massage.
• During the massage pay attention to your breathing, making sure it is deep and relaxed. Also communicate any pressure or comfort needs you may have with your massage therapist.
• Minimize your to-do list before and after the massage, and [ideally] take the day off.
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We think you smell
While it might seem obvious to take a shower before you have someone touching your body, plenty of people hop on the table right after a workout or smelling like they just returned from a week-long camping trip. In those instances clients are told to hit the showers &mdash: and the time wasted comes out of their massage, says our source. Yet another reason to take advantage of the steam room and shower before your appointment.
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When we're stressed out and need a break, we book a massage. Great idea, right? That is until we're lying topless on a table, in a room alone with a complete stranger, and that complete stranger is seeing and touching us. Naked. Naturally, we start to wonder what this person is thinking and fill in the blanks on our own:
"Geez, someone needs to lay off the cheesecake...um, have you ever heard of waxing?...wow, looks like we've found the record-holder for cellulite!"
And now, what was intended to be a relaxing hour of reprieve has us more stressed out than we were to begin with. To keep ourselves from going crazy, we had to find out: Is this what massage therapists are really thinking?
Uh, yeah — kind of. We got several masseuses to reveal what's really going through their heads when they're rubbing their clients down — and as you'll see, it's not always so pretty.
But before you swear off the spa forever, know that it's not all bad. In fact, these massage therapists also clued us in to a few tips that'll have you more relaxed on the table — and even for days after your massage. Read on to see what they have to say.
