Call us old fashioned, but we think we'll stick with the time-honored tradition of hanging our Christmas wreath on the door rather than on our stiletto nails.

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We don't know if it's Santa's creepily asymmetrical pupils or the fact that he's been severed into body parts, but this St. Nick seriously frightens us.

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We need to figure out how to return these presents.

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Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree! Much displeasure doth thou bring me.

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Oh, by golly, our Christmas would be a lot more jolly without all of this holly.

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