Have fantasizing down (hello, Gerard Butler riding us off into the sunset) but your body still refuses to cooperate? There's this myth that women should be in the mood before they initiate sex. But sometimes women need to be physically stimulated in order to get excited about sex.
Millheiser regularly recommends a device called Fiera, which was developed by OBGYNs to help jumpstart a woman's sex drive. "Fiera is an over-the-counter device created to enhance sexual arousal and desire," says Millheiser. (Not to be confused with a vibrator.) "Essentially, it uses suction to increase blood flow to the vulva and as a result, it's been show that orgasms are more intense following the use of it."
In fact, one 68-year-old said the cute little device increased her sensitivity and turned things around for her and her husband. It may be a bit spendy -- priced at $199 by itself or $249 for the device and a remote -- but more than a few users claim it's worth it.
If that's a little bit out of your budget, try the Ultra Bullet, $56, which features more than 20 vibration settings, is waterproof and rechargeable. Or, pick up a mini vibrator like Iroha Stick Vibe, $22, which is discreet, travel friendly and perfect for clitoral stimulation. You may also find success with a topical arousal gel or balm like Babeland Arousal Balm, $6.
Millheiser regularly recommends a device called Fiera, which was developed by OBGYNs to help jumpstart a woman's sex drive. "Fiera is an over-the-counter device created to enhance sexual arousal and desire," says Millheiser. (Not to be confused with a vibrator.) "Essentially, it uses suction to increase blood flow to the vulva and as a result, it's been show that orgasms are more intense following the use of it."
In fact, one 68-year-old said the cute little device increased her sensitivity and turned things around for her and her husband. It may be a bit spendy -- priced at $199 by itself or $249 for the device and a remote -- but more than a few users claim it's worth it.
If that's a little bit out of your budget, try the Ultra Bullet, $56, which features more than 20 vibration settings, is waterproof and rechargeable. Or, pick up a mini vibrator like Iroha Stick Vibe, $22, which is discreet, travel friendly and perfect for clitoral stimulation. You may also find success with a topical arousal gel or balm like Babeland Arousal Balm, $6.
Don't underestimate the power of a good lubricant. "A feeling of wetness during sexual arousal aids in reducing friction and increasing pleasure during any type of sexual activity," Millheiser explains.
If you only need a little lubrication, reach for a water-based lube. Try: KY Ultragel Water Based Lubricant, $11.99. For endeavors that require more lubrication (including anal sex), reach for a silicone-based product, like Turn On Personal Silicone Lubrication, $10.19.
If you only need a little lubrication, reach for a water-based lube. Try: KY Ultragel Water Based Lubricant, $11.99. For endeavors that require more lubrication (including anal sex), reach for a silicone-based product, like Turn On Personal Silicone Lubrication, $10.19.
We get it. You're in a long-term relationship or have been married for 15-20 years (or, heck, even seven), and those feelings of giddiness and excitement have all but vanished from your love life. You've likely come across tons of articles about how to have better sex (like Elle Woods said, Cosmo is basically the female Bible): Be more spontaneous, try new positions, do it in public, blah, blah, blah. While those are all excellent suggestions, it's important to recognize where the flame needs igniting, and for most women, it comes down to the feeling of passion.
"Novelty is a big part of attraction," says Cavanah. "Trying something new together -- both in and out of bed -- makes a big difference." While you might not be ready to talk like a porn star or whip out the riding crop, Cavanah says even introducing a couple's vibrator to the bedroom can add a lot of excitement.
She recommends the We-Vibe Sync Vibrator, $199, which can be controlled by your partner with an app. If you want to take a page from "The Ugly Truth," you can even purchase vibrating panties to wear out on the town while your partner teases you all evening. If you want to go this route, Cavanah recommends picking up the OhMiBod BlueMotion Remote Vibrator, $129.
Outside of the bedroom, turn date night into mini adventures. What have you always wanted to try but haven't? From skydiving and rock climbing to dance or cooking classes, navigating new territory together stimulates a feeling of excitement and newness together (why do you think they always go bungee jumping on "The Bachelor"?)
"Novelty is a big part of attraction," says Cavanah. "Trying something new together -- both in and out of bed -- makes a big difference." While you might not be ready to talk like a porn star or whip out the riding crop, Cavanah says even introducing a couple's vibrator to the bedroom can add a lot of excitement.
She recommends the We-Vibe Sync Vibrator, $199, which can be controlled by your partner with an app. If you want to take a page from "The Ugly Truth," you can even purchase vibrating panties to wear out on the town while your partner teases you all evening. If you want to go this route, Cavanah recommends picking up the OhMiBod BlueMotion Remote Vibrator, $129.
Outside of the bedroom, turn date night into mini adventures. What have you always wanted to try but haven't? From skydiving and rock climbing to dance or cooking classes, navigating new territory together stimulates a feeling of excitement and newness together (why do you think they always go bungee jumping on "The Bachelor"?)
If you want to spice things up in the bedroom, but are afraid of freaking out your partner add sex-toy shopping to your next date night. Visit a sex toy boutique like Babeland or shop online together. This will help your partner feel like a part of the process. "Pick out some new toys that will help you try new things and discover new sensations," Cavanah says. Remember, novelty is key, and a new, arousing sensation could be exactly what you're lacking.
While you should always respect your personal limits (especially in the bedroom), challenge yourself and your partner to step outside your comfort zones, and try something new together for the first time. "That could be something like a vibrator you wear during sex, a blindfold and wrist restraints, lube, a massage candle, an anal toy -- whatever," Cavanah says. "Let your imagination take you there."
If trying new things makes you a tad uneasy (we totally get it), whip out the pen and paper (just let your partner know this is the fun kind of to-do list). "A yes, no and maybe list is a great tool for communication," Cavanah says. "It's a list of all sorts of sex acts from the very mild to the more intense." The idea is each partner creates their own sex wish list and then shares it with each other. The cherry on top? Depending on the size of your combined list, you may have a different "yes" and "maybe" to try every night.
While you should always respect your personal limits (especially in the bedroom), challenge yourself and your partner to step outside your comfort zones, and try something new together for the first time. "That could be something like a vibrator you wear during sex, a blindfold and wrist restraints, lube, a massage candle, an anal toy -- whatever," Cavanah says. "Let your imagination take you there."
If trying new things makes you a tad uneasy (we totally get it), whip out the pen and paper (just let your partner know this is the fun kind of to-do list). "A yes, no and maybe list is a great tool for communication," Cavanah says. "It's a list of all sorts of sex acts from the very mild to the more intense." The idea is each partner creates their own sex wish list and then shares it with each other. The cherry on top? Depending on the size of your combined list, you may have a different "yes" and "maybe" to try every night.
It's important to understand that biology (and your mind) play a huge role in the strength of your orgasm, but there are tricks to help you bring down the house with an earth-shattering orgasm.
First, get in plenty of foreplay. "Going straight for the clitoris doesn't work," explains Cavanah. Instead, practice the art of delayed gratification. Prolonging sexual buildup can be extremely effective for generating back-arching orgasms. "Take some time to make your way down their body and tease and stimulate other parts of the body first."
And don't count on intercourse alone to cut it. The clitoris is a woman's pleasure center. While women can get off through internal stimulation, Millheiser says a majority of women achieve the big O through clitoral stimulation.
"The vagina doesn't actually have sensory receptors internally," Millheiser says. "But the legs of the clitoris run on either side of the vaginal wall and these legs move during penile penetration -- which explains why some women can have internal orgasms."
First, get in plenty of foreplay. "Going straight for the clitoris doesn't work," explains Cavanah. Instead, practice the art of delayed gratification. Prolonging sexual buildup can be extremely effective for generating back-arching orgasms. "Take some time to make your way down their body and tease and stimulate other parts of the body first."
And don't count on intercourse alone to cut it. The clitoris is a woman's pleasure center. While women can get off through internal stimulation, Millheiser says a majority of women achieve the big O through clitoral stimulation.
"The vagina doesn't actually have sensory receptors internally," Millheiser says. "But the legs of the clitoris run on either side of the vaginal wall and these legs move during penile penetration -- which explains why some women can have internal orgasms."