Sex is a funny and sometimes complicated thing. It's arguably one of life's greatest thrills, which perhaps explains why sex — the mind-blowing kind, anyway — can also be so damn elusive. Sometimes, everything's there but the chemistry. Other times, the flame fizzles and sex becomes a chore. At some point in our lives, we've all asked ourselves where the hell our hot, steamy sex life went — or, why has it never been there in the first place?

If you're struggling to orgasm or find that you're just not that into your lovemaking sessions these days, it's possible you're mentally checked out due to the ten million things going on around you, says Stanford Clinical Assistant Professor and OBGYN, Dr. Leah Millheiser. "[Women especially] are affected by the stress of kids, finance, work, school — you name it. So their libido goes down and sex is put on the back burner." Men, on the other hand, could be in the middle of a war zone and still be ready to jump your bones. "When men are stressed, sex is their way of coping," says Millheiser. Which might explain why post-fight or angry sex is hot to our male counterparts. Women are just a touch more complicated.

Whatever your reason for the lack of the big O, these tips will teach you how to tune in, get turned on, and increase the intensity of your orgasm. Here, how to have the best sex of your life — each and every time.

Image via Imaxtree

As hilarious as Jenna's Marble is in her What Girls Think About During Sex video, there's a lot of truth behind her distractions. As women, we have a lot on our minds and it's important to know that's okay. What's not okay is when we don't allow ourselves to fully enjoy the mind-blowing pleasure we all deserve.

Your to-do list will never be done. Ever. So, rather than push sex to the bottom of your priorities list, give yourself permission to prioritize physical pleasure in your life, says Claire Cavanah, co-founder of Babeland and co-author of "Moregasm: Babeland's Guide to Mind-Blowing Sex."

To start, Cavanah recommends masturbating on your own. Not only does it allow you to be more in touch with yourself (literally), it allows you to discover what sort of stimulation opens the flood gates, and you can really focus on your likes and dislikes without the distraction of a partner. "Masturbation is an effective way to know what you like and how your body responds, because we're all different," she explains.

And if you don't have any interest in doing it, do it anyway. Women who don't make time for sex generally don't make time to masturbate, either, because they've stopped viewing themselves as sexual beings. Even if you don't feel like doing it at first, the practice of self-pleasure will help reacquaint you with your sensual side. Learning about your body and all the ways it can feel pleasure will help both you and your partner in bed, which is important for your sexual health and self-esteem, not to mention the health of your relationship.

While masturbating is helpful in becoming more mindful of your own pleasure, it doesn't fix the problem of, "What the hell do I do when I'm making grocery lists in my head while I'm having sex with my partner?"

When your mind starts to wander, Millheiser recommends focusing on your partner's breathing to stay present. "Unfortunately, women are multitaskers, so it can be difficult for them to home in on one thing at a time," Millheiser says. "When your brain starts to go elsewhere, gently bring it back, and listen to your partner's breath. That will help you focus on them and the moment."

Cavanah also recommends focusing on the sensation of what's happening with your partner and what you're doing to their body. While you may think that's what you're doing now, next time you jump between the sheets observe whether you're more focused on the physical stimulation happening or on pleasing your partner. You'd be surprised how often it's the latter.

If zeroing in on your pleasure is difficult (the struggle is real), put that wandering mind to work -- with fantasy.

"Fantasy will take you a long way," insists Cavanah. Not sure where to start? Get those creative juices flowing by reading erotica or watching porn, she says. "There are many options made by women that are very sexy."

Her recommendations: Recipe for Romance DVD, $34, and Best Women's Erotica 2016, Volume 2, $16.95.

Have fantasizing down (hello, Gerard Butler riding us off into the sunset) but your body still refuses to cooperate? There's this myth that women should be in the mood before they initiate sex. But sometimes women need to be physically stimulated in order to get excited about sex.

Millheiser regularly recommends a device called Fiera, which was developed by OBGYNs to help jumpstart a woman's sex drive. "Fiera is an over-the-counter device created to enhance sexual arousal and desire," says Millheiser. (Not to be confused with a vibrator.) "Essentially, it uses suction to increase blood flow to the vulva and as a result, it's been show that orgasms are more intense following the use of it."

In fact, one 68-year-old said the cute little device increased her sensitivity and turned things around for her and her husband. It may be a bit spendy -- priced at $199 by itself or $249 for the device and a remote -- but more than a few users claim it's worth it.

If that's a little bit out of your budget, try the Ultra Bullet, $56, which features more than 20 vibration settings, is waterproof and rechargeable. Or, pick up a mini vibrator like Iroha Stick Vibe, $22, which is discreet, travel friendly and perfect for clitoral stimulation. You may also find success with a topical arousal gel or balm like Babeland Arousal Balm, $6.