When we received our samples of Illamasqua's "Theatre of the Nameless" nail lacquers, we immediately flipped the bottles over to read the nail polish names, as any seasoned nail polish user would do. "Vice," "Faux Pas," "Kinky" ... and "Taint." Come again?! When we flipped the bottle right side up, we were surprised (or not surprised?) to find a yellow-tinted brown color staring us back in the face. Imagine the number of lunches ruined that day with, "Did you try Taint?" being asked throughout the office.

Don't worry, we weren't sent any illicit substances. The release for this multitasking leave-in styler promised to help us all develop a substance abuse problem with this "habit forming hair fix" that is "curiously addictive." Cue the eyebrow raises. But if you're open to the possibility of rehab or want to live out that Lilo lifestyle on a smaller scale, then by all means, get your hair hooked on Crack.

You probably wouldn't bat an eye by simply picking up a tube of this vbeauté's V lipgloss, but seeing the full advertisement is a different story. The Lip Spread comes with the cheeky slogan "Spread Those Sexy Lips," and judging by founder Julie Macklowe's laugh in the ad, we're thinking they have a different body part in mind. (Just take a look at the artistic renderings covering Macklowe's dress if you're not picking up what we're laying down). The best part: Every V is "nut-free" and promises to work with your lip chemistry to deliver your "very own afterglow." Impressive.

Aaand we're back to defecation. The good news is this product is about combatting smelly bathroom fumes rather than slathering symbolic chicken excrements on your lips. The upbeat directions state that a "squirt or two" into the bowl "before-you-go" will ensure "no one else will ever know!"

I don't know about you, but I'm still finding it hard to separate the poo image from the pourri.