When mental health and recovery advocate Nancy Virden woke up on Christmas Day in 2014, she realized she had nowhere to go. That year, her ex-husband had moved out in September and her two grown sons were struggling with the separation of their parents, with one temporarily withdrawing from the family and another battling depression and anxiety attacks. With neither of her children able to make the trek to visit her, she decided to spend the day planning a New Year's Eve party in an effort to avoid self-pity. Instead of focusing on the inner turmoil wreaking havoc on her family, she wanted to channel her perspective to goodness.

"This is a practice I am continuing in a variety of ways over the holidays," says Virden. "For more than 30 adult years, I used to face the season with some emotional pain over losses. That has changed. Now holidays are moments for which to look forward. New questions guide me into peace and contentment. Who can I bless? Who else needs a meal? Do I know someone in need of company?" she says. "Feeling better feels better! Thanksgiving to New Year's is an adventure instead of a chore."

Image via Nancy Virden

In 2015, Christiana Hill felt like she was falling apart. While the first eight months of the year were spent dealing with the aftermath of several family losses, the others were filled with helping her husband overcome a serious personal injury and unemployment. Trying to keep everything -- and everyone -- together sent her to the hospital after she pushed herself to the point of exhaustion. And even when her husband landed his dream job, it required the whole family to relocate several states away in two weeks and to spend the holidays without family. Though there was no choice, since it was a job he wanted and her clan needed, Hill couldn't shake feeling sadness, fear and grief, and missing her extended network, especially after a tough year.

"Instead of leaning into the support of loved ones, we were expected to spend the holidays surrounded by new coworkers and friends we barely knew with smiles plastered on our faces and the appearance that all was well," she shares. "I felt torn between grief for my family, happiness for my husband, and anxiety that I couldn't be everywhere for everyone. My tongue felt like sandpaper in my mouth because small talk about where we came from and what our stories are would inevitably lead to stories of our loss and the decision to start over here in this new place. I felt like I was barely keeping it together as buzz after buzz after buzz went off in my purse."

The experience taught both Hill and her husband how to prioritize what was right for their marriage and their family over obligations that take them away from happiness. "Holidays are a time when we're asked to give and give to others unselfishly. We're expected to say 'yes' and go out of our way for others at our own expense a majority of the times. This holiday in particular taught me that it's more than OK -- it's actually extremely important -- that you stop and listen to your own heart," she says. "Take obligation, 'should,' and expectation off the table and ask yourself what you really need. If you need to set boundaries and go home early, do that. If you need to have a good cry on a friend's shoulder, that's ok. If you need to share what's going on for you, share -- don't keep it in."

Image via Christiana Hill

For teacher Valeria Stryker, she had one annual argument she could always expect to have with her husband during the holidays. In fact, it's the disagreement many couples face as Thanksgiving rears its head: Whose family will we celebrate with? For seven years -- through their courtship and engagement -- they had two Thanksgiving dinners, two Christmas Eves and two Christmas mornings to appease both mothers. This chaotic schedule led to stress and a lack of time to just be together and enjoy the season.

Finally, Stryker put her foot down -- and threw the ball to their families to figure out the solution. "Until the mothers could learn to share, my husband and I would not attend either celebration. So, the first year we were married, my husband I ate a Thanksgiving rib-eye in front of the television, partied with our friends on Christmas Eve and spent Christmas morning sleeping in," she says.

"It was difficult to stand up to two such strong women, whom I love dearly, but my sanity and my relationship depended on it. I learned that sometimes you have to stop worrying about other people and their feelings. Now, our mothers share the hosting duties of the holidays because they know what happens when they don't 'play nice.' As for me, as a general de-stressor before attending any family event, I meditate to clear my energy... And alcohol always helps!"

Image via Valeria Stryker

Two months before Christmas, principal dancer and artistic director Noelle Rose Andressen suffered the loss of her mother. The weight of this traumatic event felt even heavier at the holidays, since her mom always hosted and now the job was left up to her to fulfill the shoes. In addition to the emotional pain, Andressen also didn't know how to cook and didn't have a full-sized oven, so she cut the turkey into smaller pieces and shoved it in a convection oven, thinking it would work. But after her guests arrived -- with music playing and a beautifully set table on display -- she quickly realized her attempt to prepare dinner had, quite literally, burned. Her husband came to her side to clear out the smoke and solve a chaotic moment with the detector: "My husband grabbed a screwdriver to unhinge it but that didn't work. He ended up chiseling it off the ceiling and tried to get the battery out to stop its screeching; ultimately he drowned it in the kitchen sink filled with water," Andressen recalls.

Immediately, she felt like a failure: "There was no way I could come close to what my mother did. If she were stranded on an island she could rub two stones together, gather some berries, and make an amazing dessert or meal; she was that resourceful. It was not me though, I was not her and she was no longer here," she says.

Instead though, she came up with a solution: Grab some snacks and a couch cushion and go around, saying what they're thankful for. Dinner might have been ruined, but there were plenty of reasons to find happiness. "When it came time for me to speak I told a story about my mom. It turned out to be an amazing night and we all got to know more about each other," she shares. "Besides how not to cook a turkey, I learned the most important thing: We are all part of the human race, we all feel, laugh, cry and experience joy and pain. We also fall short of perfection and there is no shame in admitting that we need help. It was a humbling moment for me to realize. The holidays are a time of sharing and caring, the food, while good, it is not what matters the most."

Image via Noelle Rose Andressen

A decade ago, founder of GIT Mom Eirene Heidelberger gave birth to her second son, Grey, in December. Two weeks later, he contracted Respiratory Syncytial Virus, a common virus that infects many children under the age of two. For most kiddos, a simple cold develops, but in Grey's case, it became more serious. In the middle of a nighttime feeding, Heidelberger realized he couldn't breathe properly, and eventually took her infant to the hospital, where he would stay for eight nights over the holiday period.

Unfortunately during an already stressful time, Heidelberger's parents also expressed their negative opinions on her husband, the way she's raising her children and how she had been a terrible daughter. "Here I was with a newborn in ICU, healing from a C-section, trying to breastfeed, trying to parent my toddler and they decide to make it all about them. It was hands-down the most stressful holiday experience of my life," she shares.

Through the experience -- where her son recovered in full health -- she realized how much she truly values and loves her husband, as well as the importance of self-care. "You have to work as a team with your partner in order to deal with stressful situations. Do not turn against each other! You also have to keep physically strong to keep mentally strong, and you need to recognize that some relationships in your life are not good for you," she said. "Traumatic situations really show you who truly cares and has your best interests at heart."

Image via Eirene Heidelberger