Total calories consumed: 16,063
Average calories per day: 2,295
Total time spent preparing food: 103 minutes

So, what did I learn from this reverse cleanse? Did the countless pounds of meat awaken my inner ruggedness? Put hair on my chest? Force me to man up?

Short answer: meh. Aside from the four pounds I gained and spray of pimples that appeared across my cheeks, I don't feel like I changed. The not-so-surprising takeaway from this little experiment is that if you eat like crap, you feel like crap.

However, there is something to be said for a diet that values efficiency over all things. I spent less than two hours total on meal prep, which had I been able to muster the energy to do more than languish in front of the TV, could have been a boon to my to-do list.

Plus, I've gained a newfound appreciation for fresh, un-fried, non-meat foods. And at the same time, filling my plate with edible untouchables (calories, fat, grease) has been liberating. It was thrilling to eat the foods I regularly deny myself. Even when taken to the Nth degree, it didn't kill me to indulge. Going forward, if I want a hamburger instead of a salad, I'm going to order the damn hamburger. #Yolo.