The Purium Cleanse (officially called the Purium 10 Day Transformation) is a program created by David Sandoval, a self-proclaimed wellness expert who wrote a book about his love of wheatgrass called "The Green Foods Bible."

The program involves cutting out almost all food (except "flex foods" -- I'll get to them later), sugar, gluten, alcohol, caffeine, dairy … the list goes on. Basically, assume you can't put it in your mouth unless the cleanse pamphlet says you can. Instead, you replace your meals with shakes and pills. For 10 days.

If the Purium 10 Day Transformation seems to be taking over your Facebook feed, here's why: The company recruits sellers who, in turn, promote the hell out of the cleanse in the hopes that people will order it using their code. You may have heard the term "multi-level marketing" (or the less positive "pyramid scheme"). That's what's going on here.

And while the selling model has very little to do with the cleanse itself, it does taint the reviews you'll find online. There are blog posts and YouTube videos and Facebook testimonials galore -- but most of them have been uploaded by people who sell the cleanse.

My Purium 10 Day Tranformation arrived, and I was immediately intimidated by the size of the box, which took up my entire desk.

Here's what it contained:
A jumbo tub of the Power Shake
A bottle of pills called Super Aminos
A bottle of pills called Super Lytes
A bottle of pills called Super CleansR
A glass bottle of syrupy red liquid (that looked like True Blood) called Apothe-Cherry
A Purium shaker bottle
A Purium tape measure
A nylon Purium bag
A Purium "magazine" (all the "articles" were about the Purium cleanse)
A card that explained the daily schedule of shakes and pills.

(Keep reading for my experiences with the various cleanse accouterments.)

Let me start by admitting I'm not a good cleanser. I'm a cheater. I know this about myself yet I agreed to try this cleanse for the story -- and also (secretly) in the hopes of losing five pounds. (Disclaimer: I am not overweight, but a summer of rosé and barbecue had taken a toll.)

After reading through the (very limited) literature that comes with the cleanse, I decided to plan my cleanse to coincide with New York Fashion Week -- a time when I would be busy covering backstage beauty but not necessarily eating a lot of meals out with friends and colleagues.

Following the pre-cleanse advice, I made an effort to cut alcohol, caffeine, gluten, dairy and sugar out of my diet for a few days before starting the actual shake/pill regimen.

The Purium Cleanse comes with a timetable that maps out your pills, shakes and flex foods in two-hour increments. I started Day One with five Super Amino pills, one Super Lyte pill and one "flex food." The flex foods are singular fruits or vegetables ranging from a small avocado to an organic apple. You're allowed to sprinkle some Himalayan sea salt, garlic, lemon or cayenne pepper on your flex food, but that's it, and a serving should never exceed one cup. (And before you get any ideas, no bananas or starchy vegetables.)

I had my pills, two glasses of water (the cleanse suggests drinking a lot of water) and an apple, and I was fine. Two hours later, I was ready for my first Power Shake. I added the powder to water and shook it up in the Purium shaker bottle. I took my first sip, and, well, I was not happy. I was going to be drinking 30 shakes over the next 10 days, and I really did not like the shake. Upon closer inspection, I learned that the powder is mostly greens and carrots, which makes it quite sweet. I crossed my fingers that blending it with unsweetened almond milk would help. I also downed two Super CleansR pills.

Two hours later: pills and a flex food. Two hours after that: a shake. Repeat.

When I got home that night, I had a tablespoon of the Apothe-Cherry juice mixed with a big glass of water. It was -- by far -- the highlight of my day. It was tart and sweet and quite tasty. And I put it in a wine glass just to pretend. I went to bed feeling fine -- not even hungry.

On Day Two I ran into a friend who had tried the Purium Cleanse. Naturally, I grilled her about her experience, which sounded pretty brutal. She warned me that the CleansR pills do what the name suggests: They clean out your system. They cleaned her out so well she had to stay home from work for two days so she could be near her toilet. I was covering Fashion Week, and many backstage areas have Porta-Pottys (surprisingly unglamorous, I know). Spending 10 days running from portable toilet to portable toilet sounded horrendous. I made my first conscious decision to cheat and only take two of the tablets each day instead of four.