Considering how terrible prison coffee allegedly is, kudos to the inmates who discovered this hack. Instead of soaking various colored pencils and scribbling all over their eyelids, some inmates turn to coffee grounds to create their own version of a smoky eye. Simply moisten one teaspoon of coffee grounds with a little water and apply to lids to add some dimension to the eyes. For more staying power, dip your finger or a Q-Tip in petroleum jelly before you apply the coffee grounds.

"Gel", "Jelly" ... basically the same, right? The next time you have a flyaway that just needs to be tamed, take a cue from inmates and head to the kitchen. According to Bigger, inmates often multitask pantry items because they're easier to get to (or barter for) than spending a fortune on pricey products in the commissary. To wit: Prisoners will use whatever jelly is on hand, mixed with a bit of cocoa butter to counteract the stickiness, to make an impromptu hair gel. Slick away and try not to crave peanut butter.

When it comes to moisturizing, you can't go wrong with shea butter served straight up. But when you add in chewed-up hot peppers (as demonstrated in one of the show's more painful scenes), this mixture offers a whole host of benefits along with quenched skin. "It's an old, old holistic remedy that actually works!" says Bigger, referring to the pain-killing and skin-tigthening powers of the active ingredient capsaicin, which hot peppers are full of. Don't worry about scorching your skin with capsaicin. "The peppers are hot in your mouth, but once you put them on the skin, they're not," says Bigger. "The chemicals are tricking your brain into thinking it's hot, but you'll never get a blister or a burn. It's a very clever herbal remedy."

The Fruit Punch, Pink Lemonade and Strawberry Kiwi shades you'll get from your Crystal Light gloss are all well and good, but Bigger says inmates who want the more vampy, dark look (very on trend, btw) turn to juice -- of the cherry or beet variety, to be exact. A few swipes of these potent, highly pigmented juices creates a deeper lip stain. If you try this at home, steer clear of your teeth when using beet juice -- the stain on your pearly whites is bad enough, without people assuming you're shacking up with Dwight Schrute.