When it comes to moisturizing, you can't go wrong with shea butter served straight up. But when you add in chewed-up hot peppers (as demonstrated in one of the show's more painful scenes), this mixture offers a whole host of benefits along with quenched skin. "It's an old, old holistic remedy that actually works!" says Bigger, referring to the pain-killing and skin-tigthening powers of the active ingredient capsaicin, which hot peppers are full of. Don't worry about scorching your skin with capsaicin. "The peppers are hot in your mouth, but once you put them on the skin, they're not," says Bigger. "The chemicals are tricking your brain into thinking it's hot, but you'll never get a blister or a burn. It's a very clever herbal remedy."

The Fruit Punch, Pink Lemonade and Strawberry Kiwi shades you'll get from your Crystal Light gloss are all well and good, but Bigger says inmates who want the more vampy, dark look (very on trend, btw) turn to juice -- of the cherry or beet variety, to be exact. A few swipes of these potent, highly pigmented juices creates a deeper lip stain. If you try this at home, steer clear of your teeth when using beet juice -- the stain on your pearly whites is bad enough, without people assuming you're shacking up with Dwight Schrute.